Do you know they know?

Sounds a lot like one of my favourite lines from my favourite sitcoms (FRIENDS - the old "They don't know we know they know we know! Anyone?) but my thoughts are a lot more serious than my title suggests. 

Since my Grandad died in June, I've found myself wondering whether he knew how much I loved him. It occurred to me as I was writing about his funeral that so often we say the nicest things about those we love after they leave us. What a shame that so many of the wonderful things we think about them remain unsaid and unheard. So while I anticipate my sweet Grandmas to be here for years and years, I thought I'd take the opportunity to tell them how much I love and admire them NOW.

I will be the first to admit that I haven't been a very good granddaughter to my Grandma in England. But let me tell you that Philomena Haw is one awesome grandma. We moved to Canada when I was almost 7 years old and I didn't see her again in the flesh until precisely twenty years later when I was nearly 27 and 6 months pregnant. I looked a little different. But in those twenty years, I cannot remember her missing a birthday or Christmas. She always called and always sent a beautiful card with British pounds tucked into it. As a matter of fact, most of our spending money on the trip we took in 2010 came from the birthday and holiday funds I'd been collecting from my sweet grandparents over the years. Not only did her cards arrive every time, they arrived on time. Meaning she'd have to think about all six members of our family's birthdays weeks ahead of time. Whenever I see her beautiful loopy, swoopy handwriting in a large envelope in my mailbox, I know she's been thinking about me for nearly a month already and it warms my heart.

Now that I have children of my own, she is incredibly diligent about their birthdays and special occasions as well. We've moved a lot over the last few years and she has gone out of her way to track us down and make sure that her great grandchildren know she loves them. My only having a cell phone has made it incredibly difficult for her to get through to me - never mind the fact that we are a full 8 hours behind her and I think she tried for hours to catch me on my birthday last year. She is amazing.We write back and forth on occasion and I send a scant few photos of the kids, but I feel terrible every time because I haven't taken a "let's show my friends" photo of my kids in their lives. They tend to be less "aww" and more "haha". One day I'll send her one worthy of a frame. My sweet cousins who live near her have been wonderful about relaying messages back and forth via Facebook and I'm forever grateful to Laura and Becca for making it possible for me to keep in touch with Grandma just a little bit more often.

I love talking to her on the phone and hearing her beautiful, thick British accent compared to my watered down British, Canadian American mess. She tells me I sound American every time we speak and while you'd be hard pressed to find an American to confirm that fact, I know I no longer sound very British either. I absolutely loved seeing her in 2010 and will treasure the time Brandon and I spent with her. She was so sweet to us, and was very concerned that the gigantic spread of any kind of food you can imagine would still not be enough to satiate my hulk of a husband. She couldn't get over how big he was and I had to have a photo of the two of them. She wanted to keep him as a bodyguard, but my Dad already laid claim. 

She is such a spry little thing, but you mustn't let her size fool you - she raised 5 boys and is not to be trifled with. I admire her so much for raising her family and sacrificing so much of her time caring for my Grandad who was very ill for years. She's had her own health struggles lately but doesn't seem to be slowing down - traveling, visiting friends and walking here there and everywhere. She walked us to get fish and chips, she walked us to my uncle's house and while Brandon and I were both winded (in my defense, I was growing a human) she hadn't broken a sweat. I can only hope to be as lively in my 80s. While I may not have shown my gratitude well over the years, I am nonetheless grateful for my Grandma and her being so thoughtful, caring and generous. Love you, Grandma! I hope you know it!

On this side of the pond, but on the other side of the border lives my Mum's mum, my Grandma Dorothy. Over the last few months, I've made a more concerted effort to touch base with my Grandma in Canada. We talk every week about this and that and not much at all. In our conversations, we meet in the middle of our life stages - me telling her about Mason's first words and her telling me about friends' funerals she's attending.  I have so many memories of her throughout my life from holidays to visits to helping her in the variety store she and Grandad owned and operated for years. She's an incredible cook and always has food prepared even when you drop in unexpectedly. One of my favourite early memories of Grandma is spending the night at her house after getting stitches in my forehead from an unfortunate encounter between myself, my bike and the corner of a brick wall. I remember how much my head hurt and laying in her bed while she sang "The Ugly Duckling" to me (in hindsight, perhaps a poor choice for an 8 year old girl with stitches across her forehead) but I loved it, nonetheless. She still sings songs from my childhood to my kids when she sees them (and ALWAYS manages to get them to sleep) and it almost always brings a tear to my eye.

 

She and Grandad took us on lots of holidays growing up and as one of their oldest grandchildren, I have tender memories of them playing with us, a luxury those on the younger end usually miss out on, but my Grandma would still give me a horsey ride if I asked, I'm sure. She continues to play with my 7 year old cousin and seems to have a hidden store of energy somewhere.

 

She has been battling breast cancer for years now and has been through severe ups and downs. Through it all, she wears a smile on her face, keeps a spring in her step and continues to be the most diligent Visiting Teacher there is. Every time I speak to her, she has come from or is going to serve someone. I thought of her when Elder Tad Callister spoke in our LDS General Conference about his parents being an example of service: "I remember my mother, age 90 or so, cooking in her condominium kitchen and then exiting with a tray of food. I asked her where she was going. She replied, “Oh, I am taking some food to the elderly.” I thought to myself, “Mother, you are the elderly."' Even in the middle of chemo and radiation she manages to send us sweet birthday cards and apologizes in advance that she only sent them two weeks early instead of three. She is an inspiration to her doctors and continues to surprise them. She's an amazing missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, telling her doctors about the power of priesthood blessings when she gets better when she "shouldn't" and is constantly sharing the gospel with those she comes in contact with. I owe her for my membership in the church, as she met with the missionaries as a teenager and was the first in her family to be baptized. She's a pioneer to me in so many ways and I am so grateful for her incredible example of strength, service, happiness and caring. I hope she knows how much I love and admire her. Love you, Grandma!

Like I said. I know they will be around for years to come, but why not hear just a smidgen (there's so much more to say) of the wonderful things I have to say about them while it can brighten their day and make them smile? If there's someone you've been meaning to express love to - why not today?