Southwest's Policy on Pole Dancing.

Well, it won't get you a better seat. But it has the potential to make you some friends on your flight. Just ask Teagan.

There isn't much to do while you're waiting to be called to board, so Little Miss Vegas found one of the poles Southwest uses in an attempt for their passengers to organize themselves and put it to another use. She grabbed it with both hands and shook her booty for all she's worth to the raucous laughter of our future fellow passengers.  Ever the entertainer, she soaked up the attention of strangers and squealed with glee as we chased her between rows of seats, in the interest of "getting the wiggles out".

If you've flown in the last few years, you probably know that Southwest isn't assigning seats. (If that's news to you, how's the weather under your rock?) They also allow families with small children (although I once encountered a women trying to pass her 12 year old off as a small child) to board earlier than most, allowing time for stroller folding, Goldfish grabbing, binkie finding and general wrestling.

Typically sane people tend to avoid the rows claimed by small children, a fact I was counting on since our flight wasn't full. No such luck. A glutton for punishment sat beside us (a kind-hearted Brandon left the aisle seat open, much more compassionate than his jaded, hard-core traveler wife) and proceeded to fall asleep at the exact moment Teagan unleashed a stink bomb. So I didn't feel bad [forcing Brandon into] asking him to move so the potty train could pass through...right? 

Teagan did incredibly well on the flight, sitting on her dad's lap the entire time. Her neurotic mother had been losing sleep for weeks worrying that she would be Baby Hulk on a plane. I lived and breathed Pinterest, trolling for busy bag ideas and scouring the dollar store for anything that might distract her from wanting to scream. With a full-to-the-brim backpack that rivals Dora's, I was packin' Dora & alphabet magnets complete with a small cookie sheet, colouring books and printed colouring pages, finger puppets, new books, all wrapped in Christmas paper, hoping that unwrapping them would kill some time. She's been an angel every time we've flown in the past, but a few months makes a world of difference when it comes to small children and I'm nothing if not prepared. I found a steal on a Dora DVD, filled to capacity with 8 (instead of the usual 3-4) episodes and resorted to it halfway into the flight when all of my tricks consumed a quarter of the time they were intended - epic fail. Speaking of failure, is there anything worse than finding out that your laptop doesn't play the DVD while you're on the flight with a squirmy toddler who's jonesin' for Dora? I submit there is not. Luckily, I packed another one - tried, tested and true and all was right with the world.

The flight home after our holiday (don't worry, I'll report on the antics soon enough) was a different story. There were 24 people on our flight. 2-4. We picked a row and for the most part, people actually kept their distance...aside from the drunk couple in the middle of inappropriately loud breaking up and eloping at the same time. Could have done without them. I'd arranged for my in-laws to bring their personal DVD player, much less cumbersome than our laptop and holds a charge for much longer.

So equipped with her own seat, a new Dora doll and a Dora movie, things couldn't get better for Teagan. That is, until they brought the snacks - Nilla Wafers! And then the drink cart came and put her over the edge. We were all flying pretty high.

With a San Francisco trip around the corner and a 5 hour flight to Canada (on my own) on the horizon, I'm going to save myself the time, tape and trouble and count on people avoiding our row like the plague so we can watch Dora in peace.