My Man Makes a Mean Meatloaf and other Mother's Day Tales

I don't usually get all emotional here, but this Mother's Day has been a particularly emotional one for me (and no, I'm not pregnant). But indulge me while I record for posterity (and my scatterbrained self) my feelings on this, Mother's Day 2012. If you're looking to laugh, you'll have to look elsewhere for the time being - I'm surprisingly serious today!

Say what you will about Teagan, but no one can argue that she isn't a great sleeper. From birth she's been a champion sleeper - I think she may be part sloth. She's always been great at sleeping in random places - a Pack 'n' Play from birth to 3 months, friends' houses on the move from Vegas to Moscow, a crib at Grandma & Grandpa's and GG & G-Pop's, friends' closets, tents and most recently a bed at our friends' house this weekend.

Apparently the floor, too. I wonder where she gets it?

It has been wonderful to know that we can take her nearly anywhere and count on her adjusting and sleeping well. Lately, her 13 hours of sleep a night (+2 naps - do you hate me yet?) have been interrupted by what our pediatrician thinks could be nightmares. (heartbreaking!) 

She's been kicking her feet through the bars of her crib - not an easy task - and wakes up when she realizes she's stuck and screams bloody murder. It's really difficult to pull her feet back through (so Brandon tells me) so she must be kicking with some force to wedge them in there. Of course I can't help but pick her up and hold her when she has tears streaming down her face and can barely catch her breath for crying so hard. So the only upside to this whole ordeal is that she's in the mood to be cuddled. AND it's usually before Brandon and I are in bed, so it's exponentially less frustrating than it could be if I were sound asleep. I couldn't remember the last time she feel asleep in my arms until last night....

She probably had Strep throat here, which is the only possible explanation for my being allowed to cuddle her.

I sat and held her in the rocking chair for a few minutes, and she just stared at me with her sad, wet, red-ringed little eyes. I whispered and I sang and she continued to lay there. It occurred to me for the first time in a long time that I am the one she looks to for comfort. I still remember how it felt to huggle with my Mum when I felt sick or upset and the way she made me feel like everything was going to be just fine. It struck me that this is now my responsibility for sweet, little Teagan - that I'm supposed to make things all right - talk about a weight on your shoulders! She drifted off quickly and I just couldn't bring myself to let her go and put her back in the crib. I was reminded of the rush of feelings that came over me when I held her for the first time, and how incredibly grateful I was that I finally had her. Then, just as suddenly, I remembered every time I'd raised my voice to her and every harsh word I'd ever said. I'm sure I was frustrated in the moment, but holding her sleeping body in my arms, with her little face so innocent it made me cringe to think that I'd ever been able to speak unkindly to her. (I'm working on my patience.) I rocked and cried and rocked and cried for I don't know how long, just feeling ashamed that I'm not a better mother - that I don't have the seemingly endless patience everyone around me appears to have. But as I watched her sleeping through my tears, unconsciously sucking on her dummy (if she had to choose between me and and it, I'm fairly confident I'd lose) I knew that because of her ability to love unconditionally that she would forgive me for being less-than-perfect and that my loving her with all my heart and trying my best to be a good parent is good enough for now.

Cuddling her last night and having these revelations was such an incredible blessing, and pushed me to commit to being a better, more patient mother. Not a bad way to start Mother's day, huh? Well it only got better from there, with the dynamic duo waking me up with homemade Egg McMuffins and incredibly thoughtful gifts.  

 

I don't know how he does it, but my husband is the best gift giver I've ever known. The Willow Tree figurine is "The Quilt", a mum cuddling a baby in (what I can only assume is) the middle of the night. Yup, he's inspired.  It will always serve as a beautiful reminder of my special moments huggling Teagan and comforting her after a bad dream. I'm sure Brandon's glad that Mother's Day only falls once a year, because cleaning the house, making breakfast, walking the halls at church with a tantruming toddler, making dinner, walking around the block multiple times (to give me a break) and cleaning the house again (he's still cleaning as I write this) is difficult to do without murmuring a complaint. I am so grateful today for my partner in this crazy adventure we call parenting. I feel blessed beyond measure to have the opportunity to be a mother in this life. I thank Heavenly Father every day for a wonderful mother who spends every waking hour (and she hardly sleeps) devoting herself to making life better for her family. I feel so fortunate to have a fantastic relationship with my mother-in-law who welcomed me with open arms from the day we met and worked hard to raise a son anyone would be proud of. I have incredible grandmothers who, although they live far away, never forget a birthday or anniversary and never miss an opportunity to make us feel loved. With so many incredible examples in my life, how am I not better at this? I'll get there one day, with these two angels by my side.

For those of you who have been diligently checking Teagan's blog for an update - I'M SORRY! Her 18 month profile is UP and there's more info up there about our little Nugget than you probably ever care to know. For those of you who don't have an invite to the Little Richardses blog, please leave your e-mail and I'll get you into the party!